


Truthful Deceipt

by mamokou (mafreila)



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, idk what to tag this fic is kinda simple, love triangle with kouryouken, more tags to be added maybe with second chapter !
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mafreila/pseuds/mamokou
Summary: Kensuke wondered why he was even going along with this. Why was he letting his emotions get the better of him, when he knew he wasn’t the one Ryouta really loved? He’d spent months, years, even, watching his friend pine for Kouki, observing how his eyes would light up every time their unit leader walked into the room, how the biggest smile would spread across his face as he enthusiastically struck up a conversation without missing a beat -- Kensuke had nothing on that.He wished he could, but he was never going to be that special someone for Ryouta, no matter how hard he tried.
Relationships: Sakuraba Ryouta/Yaegashi Kensuke
Kudos: 5





	Truthful Deceipt

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone it's time for your dose of growth angst !!
> 
> i was gonna try to smash this all into one chapter but i think it'll turn out too hectic if i do that, so... i'll try to get the last half of it out within the next week ...!! thank you and hope you enjoy!!

To be honest, Kensuke knew from the very beginning.

He’d always known from the moment he figured out that these feelings he had were love, that he’d never have a chance with Ryouta. It hurt like hell, but… after enough time had passed, he finally decided to come to terms with the fact that his love would never be returned, rather than mope around feeling sorry for himself. He thought that he’d just confess to get the sting of rejection over with, so that he could move on with his life and finally put these lingering daydreams of his to rest, and yet...

“...What are you even  _ saying _ ,” Ryouta had choked out upon hearing the words fall from Kensuke’s lips, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes as a blush spread across his face. The reaction left the taller boy’s mouth agape, heart beating a million miles per hour. It wasn’t what he expected, at all, and… Oh God, was it dangerous how in love he was with that flustered expression on his face right now.

“...Idiot, of course I… f-feel the same way… don’t just go assuming things before you even talk to me about it…” 

“.....Huh?” 

In shock, the blue-haired boy simply stared in awe, trying to process the words he was hearing. Wait, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go, right? Ryouta… wasn’t supposed to love him back, he was supposed to reject him. No, that aside, Kensuke knew he should feel like he was on cloud nine right now, but…. instead, he just felt scared. Confused, because… this wasn’t right, and he could feel in his gut that this wasn’t the happy ending he had been dreaming of for so long.

“W-What do you mean, Ryou…? You... “   
  
_ You love Kouki. _

The words fell short on his quivering lips, unable to form themselves into any sound besides unsteady inhales and exhales. Maybe, even after all this time, Kensuke still wasn’t able to accept the truth, and so he couldn’t quite bring himself to say it out loud. Maybe… just maybe, he wanted to live in this fantasy a little longer, if he could be that selfish. 

“Ugh, how dumb can you be? I’m… saying that I... I love you, too, Ken, and I really want to be with you… D-Don’t make me say it any clearer than that, okay?! It’s embarrassing enough as it is…” 

“A-Ahaha, but,” Kensuke glanced down at his feet for a brief second as he debated if this was really okay. Of course, he knew it wasn’t, and that he should just brush this whole thing off as a joke, but… he decided to take the plunge anyways, desperate to feel the love he’d been longing for ever since the two of them were in high school. “...You’re so cute when you blush like that, I can’t help but want to tease you, Ryou~”

His giggle was admittedly a bit forced, but Ryouta didn’t seem to pick up on it since he was preoccupied with the other’s flirty comment. The smaller boy’s face grew an even deeper shade of red as he half-heartedly shoved his friend’s chest in a fit of embarrassment. 

“S-Sorry, sorry… I really can’t help it. That being said, though…. Ryou. No, rather…”

Trailing off, Kensuke’s face went grim, his lips forming a straight line as he grabbed the other by his shoulders and stared deep into those pale eyes of his, watching the way they danced with emotion and color despite being too embarrassed to return Kensuke’s stare. 

“...Ryouta. Are you sure about this? Listen, I joke and all, but… it’s fine if you don’t want to do this. Please… don’t force yourself, that would hurt me more than anything, I… I don’t want to live a lie, so…”

His consciousness simply laughed at him, because if he really didn’t want to live a lie, then why was he still going along with this? Why was he letting his emotions get the better of him, when he knew he wasn’t the one Ryouta really loved? He’d spent months,  _ years _ , even, watching his friend pine for Kouki, observing how his eyes would light up everytime their unit leader walked into the room, how the biggest smile would spread across his face as he enthusiastically struck up a conversation without missing a beat. 

Kensuke had nothing on that. 

He knew Ryouta well enough to say with confidence that he wasn’t hated, or anything -- the other just wasn’t the best at expressing his emotions -- but… of course he’d notice the difference in treatment. Kouki had always been Ryouta’s favorite, and there was no denying that. 

“...If you think I’d lie to you, after everything I’ve said to you until now, then maybe I really will walk out. I know you’re not very confident in yourself, but even you should know better than that, right?”

With a light flick of Kensuke’s forehead, Ryouta gave a gentle laugh, his voice sounding like warm honey oozing into a freshly brewed mug of tea. “...Really, though, don’t worry about it. I’m not the type who’d just date someone out of pity. Of course, I know that a relationship can’t go anywhere without mutual feelings, so… I mean it when I say I love you.”

_ No, you really don’t,  _ the blue-haired boy wanted to refute, but he was losing the will to fight back at this point, because that dim twinkle of hope within his gut wondered if maybe he’d just had it wrong this whole time. Maybe he’d just been anxious over nothing, and it was fine to move on from these fears that had been weighing him down all this time. 

“...Thanks, Ryou. S-Sorry, I… just, I really wasn’t expecting you to… aah, wow, my heart can’t take this, haha,” Kensuke staggered a little bit as he let go of Ryouta’s shoulders, his own face a brilliant shade of pink now that he was truly beginning to process everything that had just happened. So, what? Were they… dating now, for real? Kensuke didn’t even think this far, because he’d just decided he was going to be rejected, so what was he even supposed to do? How were they supposed to keep this a secret from their manager and from the media, too, and on top of that, was it really okay to have a relationship like this? 

“Ken. You’re thinking too hard,” Ryouta murmured softly, grabbing a hold of one of his hands and squeezing gently. The comforting motion made Kensuke’s heart throb, though whether it was out of love or pain he couldn’t quite tell -- maybe some twisted mixture of both. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sighing as he gently traced the tip of his pointer finger against the other’s palm, drawing nothing in particular. His skin was hot to the touch, his warmth slowly spreading to the both of their hands. “Like I said, I… really wasn’t expecting you to… be fine with me,” his eyes crinkled at the edges as he tried to fight back the urge to cry, because everything was so overwhelming right now; it all felt like a fever dream that he was terrified to wake up from.

“Of course I am. You’ve been by my side through it all, haven’t you? It’s… thanks to you that I’ve become who I am today, really. There’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

“...I-If you say so,” Kensuke stuttered, a bit surprised by how readily Ryouta was feeding him compliments all of a sudden; it was more unsettling than he could have imagined. “I trust you, so… Thank you. Y’know, for accepting me, and… I-I don’t know, I guess it would be weird to say thank you for liking me back, aha…”

Ryouta rolled his eyes, but there was an amused smile on his face. He moved closer, taking one, then two steps forward so that he could lean against the taller boy’s chest. “Yeah, it would be weird. But I’ll indulge you and say you’re welcome, anyways. I’m happy that you said anything, so…”

After that, the two both went silent, unable to find the right words to say that would fit the moment. Kensuke smiled to himself as he looped his arms loosely around Ryouta’s waist, nudging him even closer until their bodies were pressed up against each other in an embrace full of warmth. 

“I’m.. happy that I did, too,” he mumbled as he rested his chin on top of his partner’s head, chuckling softly as Ryouta nuzzled into the crook of his neck. “I love you, Ryou.”

The silver-haired idol mumbled some sort of agreement, letting his hands rest against the firm chest of his partner. 

And with that, their relationship blossomed into a brightly colored flower, one that glittered as the sunlight was absorbed into pinks, purples, and blues of so many shades. Things were peaceful, and Kensuke started to feel as if maybe he could move past these feelings of bitterness and jealousy when it came to Kouki; he grew to realize, as the first few weeks went by, how silly his insecurities had been, and how unfair it was to Ryouta for him to be so skeptical of their relationship. Why would the other have agreed to date him if there wasn’t anything between them? 

He’d simply been worried over nothing this whole time. He’d deluded himself out of fear that if he were to continue loving Ryouta, he’d only get hurt in the end, but… that wasn’t true. It made logical sense for him to just move on and work on demolishing the walls he’d built up as a defense.

“You’re allowed to be happy, you know,” the silver-haired idol had whispered to him one night as they laid together, having noticed Kensuke staring blankly up at the off-white ceiling like he was hopelessly lost in his thoughts. He’d cried, before he could even stop the tears from falling, because he wasn’t even sure if that was true, but... 

Hearing the one he loved tell him that, he thought that maybe it really was alright for him to be this selfish. That it was fine to embrace this love he felt and be thankful that Ryouta chose him, to just let himself be happy. Even thinking that, though, it was hard to ignore the voice in his head constantly trying to tell him that this was all a mistake, and he needed to get out of there before he ruined everything. He simply tried to escape those thoughts as best he could, though, burrowing further and further into the high of their newly formed relationship and letting his selfish desires guide him forward like a beacon of light shining through a dark storm.

Every day he found himself even deeper, more in love with Ryouta than the day before, and more of his defenses crumbled every time he opened his eyes to the silver-haired boy curled up in bed next to him. Love really was like a drug, he thought, as he watched the other soundlessly sleeping so peacefully. 

When he woke up, he’d always mumble a complaint about how creepy it was for Kensuke to watch him sleep, though he blushed as he said it and rolled over in bed to hide his face. It was adorable, just like every other reaction the silver-haired boy had to offer. He was so hopelessly in love with Sakuraba Ryouta, and it felt unreal that they were actually together after all these years… it filled him with an indescribable glee.

Things took a turn, though, after a few months of their relationship, when Kensuke finally gathered the courage to kiss Ryouta for the first time. The other had always seemed relatively hesitant to do anything past holding hands, and of course the younger idol had respected that, but… the moment felt right to him, one night, when they were perched on the couch together at dusk, a few hours after dinner. They’d both fallen silent when Kensuke had shifted at the same time as his boyfriend, and their shoulders had brushed against each other’s from how close he’d gotten, hovering mere inches away from Ryouta’s face. The way that the petite boy blushed at their sudden proximity made Kensuke realize that wow, this could really happen right now, and… the other wasn’t pulling away, so...

So why, when he finally took the plunge, did he notice a flash of what looked like fear in the pale eyes that reflected his own face as he leaned in? He couldn’t deny that hesitancy and doubt, the look of panic that was only present for a split second, but didn’t fade quick enough to go unseen. 

Kensuke thought that maybe he’d gotten too comfortable, or maybe he was wrong when he thought that surely he’d given the other enough time, or… well, really, he didn’t know what to think. He’d apologized, quickly laughing it off as if he’d just been fooling around, then put a noticeable amount of space between the two of them on the wide couch for the rest of the night. The way that Ryouta didn’t even bother to acknowledge the situation, or even close the gap between them after some time had passed, stung like nothing Kensuke had ever felt before.

It hurt so badly, but he didn’t want to acknowledge this pain dwelling inside him, so he chose to simply ignore it completely, shoving it deep into the backs of his mind as the night passed by. Of course he knew what the issue was, but after he’d spent so much time reversing the negative thoughts that plagued him every night, it was hard to face them again and admit that he’d been right from the start. 

Addressing these feelings was something he didn’t even know how to begin to do, so he found himself withdrawing out of fear. Fear that he’d do something wrong again and completely ruin their relationship that already had a shaky foundation to begin with. It was a paralyzing fear that left him unable to properly leave his room for a few days, and especially made it hard for him to talk to Ryouta.

Though, despite how tired the blue-haired boy felt from all of this mess, he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. 

“I’m sorry for the other night,” Kensuke had finally sighed as the two of them crossed paths in the hallway, offering the best smile that he could manage with three sleepless nights. The shorter boy stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening as if surprised by the fact that his boyfriend had spoken to him.

“A-Ah,” Ryouta nervously stuttered, tugging at the collar of his shirt lightly, “it’s… not a big deal. I just… don’t think I’m ready for that sort of thing.”

_ When will you be ready, then? _

Kensuke wanted to refute, frustration boiling up in his gut, but he knew that was an unfair question. He hated himself so much, because chances were that Ryouta genuinely just felt uncomfortable with going that far, but everything in his brain was screaming that it was only because the other didn’t love him in the first place.

What was so wrong with him that he couldn’t be enough? What did he need to do for Ryouta to accept him? At this point, he wasn’t even sure if there was anything he  _ could  _ do, not when the situation was like this.

The taller boy spun on his heel as tears began to well up in his eyes, begging himself to keep it together for just a bit longer so that the other wouldn’t have to see him cry -- he didn’t want to make it obvious how badly this was affecting him. “You’re right. I should have asked if you were okay with it first, so… you’re right. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I love you, Ken,” Ryouta reminded him as he began to walk away, and even those soft, comforting words sounded like a distorted melody of sadness in Kensuke’s ears. He didn’t respond as he left, the tears spilling over and dripping down his cheeks, because he didn’t know what he was supposed to believe anymore. 


End file.
